These Days

It is a strange time of the year. Days are so short I cannot even absorb them properly. It feels like I am watching a film. Things are happening right in front of my eyes but I do not have the strength or ability to change the plot. There is this great void in my heart waiting to be filled with something indifferent, something which would make the unexplainable sorrow and sadness a little bit easier. If only I knew what I am looking for.

My mind is filled with questions and thoughts about this past year, about all the decisions I made, about all the words that were left unsaid, about all the people who came upon my way and about all the things  that never happened even though I wished more than anything they would. I want to find a way out of my mind but the ghosts from my past mercilessly haunt me.

I used to be able to shut the outer world and melancholic thoughts about the unbearable lightness of being out. I buried my self in work, chasing the goal of being the best at something. I honestly thought this was the key to happiness and it actually was for a while but the magic quickly faded and I was left with nothing.Today, I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going. I am the wanderer who seeks yet never finds his rest. 

Winter has not been kind to me, to us but there is still some light that never goes out and I choose to believe this is enough.

With love, Pie

Autumn is grey as well

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Why we can't be?

Kinovember

From 7th until 18th November there was a film festival in Ljubljana. It happens every year, but this was the first time when we really let our love for films shine. We watched twelve (12) films together, therefore the majority of time in the past week was spent in different cinema halls, where the stories and characters took us to distant places which were sometimes filled with emotions unknown to us, but represented so beautifully we were easily affected.

Of course, not all the films were amazing and exhilarating, yet there was not a single one which would make us leave the projection before its end and no one even came close to the agony we went through last year, while watching Bela Tarr's The Turin Horse.

It was very nice (and probably not so smart) to put our studies at hold for a while and pretend we are not two busy students, but just two ordinary filmophiles who have all the time in the world to watch films all day and who wish from the bottom of their hearts smoking would again be allowed in dusty, old cinematheques.

Anyway, here's what we saw in order of preference:

Leos Carax: Strangulation Blues + Boy Meets Girl

Benh Zeitlin: Beasts of the Southern Wild

Denis Hopper: Easy Rider

Hartmut Bitomsky: Highway 40 West-Reise in Amerika

Aida Begić: Djeca (Children of Sarajevo)

Alejandro Brugués: Juan de los Muertos

Benoit Jacquot: Les adieux a la Reine

Cate Shortland: Lore

Babis Makridis: L

Quentin Dupieux: Wrong

Jonathan Demme: Something Wild

Autumn is pink

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Slovenia, suburbs, sunset

The Swamp of Saddness

It's the time of the year when the sky, the cities and the people turn grey and the fog prevents you from seeing things clearly. It's the time of the year when everything I want to do is lay on my bed in comfy hipster-ski-sweaters, read books, listen to unpopular music, eat chocolate and have an understanding cat purring by my side.

I think solitude is great, because human contacts are a fleeting thing, no matter how pessimistic that sounds. I spend a lot of my time pondering interactions between people and I always come to a conclusion that no bond between two people is made without cracks, two people will always be two people, because we are not made as bubbles that can merge into one upon bumping into eachother. I also hate when someone asks me "what are you thinking about?". If I thought that explaining them my thoughts at that moment would have any effect at all, if I wanted the person I'm with to know what is going on in my head, I would obviously already have told them.

a caption from Unmade Beds

What I wanted to say is that being self-sufficient is one of the best things ever, because people break up, friends change, divorce, migration, death, awful. Wouldn't it be great if we weren't herd animals and every one of us could survive by themselves? I, for one, would have a lovely stone house, with a garden and cats and hens. It would be overlooking the ocean, so I could ponder about life while watching the infinite horizon and stuff. Or I would live in a bus on Alaska like Alex Supertramp. But given my surviving skills, I would probably starve to death in a month or so.

A lot like this painting by Jean-François Millet

The problem is that people aren't made to be alone. Living in isolation results in frustration or pathological conditions like being-a-crazy-cat-lady, for example. And even though I don't trust people and never take anyone's affection for granted, I figured that this uncertainty regarding relationships is something I have to live with, because being around people you like is comforting, and you can't deny that, no matter how big of a self-sufficiency fan you are.

I guess what I'm saying is that I like being around others, because I think that understanding others, their motives, fears and desires, can help you understand the human kind and therefore, yourself. I just don't want to venture into the outside world just yet. Right now, my bed and a book is all I need, but I guess tomorrow I will be compelled to face the horrors of socializing again.

Sincerely,

Rapunzel.

City With No Children

Photowalk in Kamnik, my hometown. Revisiting places from my past, places long lost in my memory.

Secret corners where we used to play hide and seek, abandoned factory which we never dared to enter,

a statue in front of my school in which we threw snowballs every winter, a vast field of wheat, which is gone now...

Places seemed so different, so sad and wistful, as all who used to find their magic kingdoms there were gone forever.

With Love,

Pie.

Too many protest singers, not enough protest songs

This is the look I've been giving to people at uni this whole week. It's student council election time, which means you cannot walk freely around the halls, without a crazy person following you and shoving propaganda leaflets into your face. There is a tough competition between three parties and I have trouble deciding which one annoys me the most. Probably the one who has a picture of its president on a leaflet. He is sitting in a library (because he is so so smart and hard working) but then if you look closely you can see that he has an iPad on his table (instead of a pile of books) and you can see his Facebook profile pic on it. Great success.

Also, I've finally realized something:

Socializing is not my thing. Or maybe this is just an excuse I tell myself to feel better, because I don't seem to be capable of making new acquaintances.

Surprisingly, good things are happening as well. For example, I watched a film Empire Records. Record store + good music + a bunch of crazy people + a girl shaves her head = literally the best thing ever.

With love,

Pie

Goodbye summer and pointless sitting on a couch in a pyjama with a bowl of cereal or popcorn or

nothing because you are too lazy to go out to buy some food. Goodbye waking up at noon only to realize you don't actually have to get out of bed. Goodbye movie marathons, mini road trips and other summer adventures.

Goodbye careless days, hello uni! Law and Medicine why we meet again so soon??

Permanent Vacation

Today I watched a film Permanent Vacation directed by Jim Jarmusch and I loved it! The main character is a 20-year-old Allie (Chris Parker), who lives in New York with his girlfriend Leila, well, 'girlfriend' is maybe not the best term to describe the relationship they have, we don't actually learn much about her. She is just there, beautiful and serious, smoking and sitting in a graceful position by the window in their apartment.

Basically the whole film is about Allie who wanders around the backstreets of New York, searching for answers, trying to find out what life is about. He meets a bunch of crazy people and has short, insignificant conversations with them. His mother is in a mental hospital, father is dead and house where he was born was bombed. It does not seem he has anything or anyone to lean on, that's why he drifts.

This is an extremely slow paced film, so I might not recommend it to impatient viewers, but it has to be this way to represent Allie's mood successfully. He is lost, but in the end he finds his way out of this situation. He leaves New York and goes to Paris, although he knows things are probably not going to be any different there.

You cannot escape from yourself, but being on permanent vacation-a life tourist does the trick at least for a while.

Permanent Vacation: Allie dancing

I have my dreams when I'm awake

Leila. She does not say much, nor does Allie.

Leaving, but looking back on Manhattan

Leila: I'm tired of being alone.
Allie: Everyone is alone. That's why I just drift you know. People think it's crazy. But it's better to think you are not alone, you know, when you are drifting, even though you are, instead of just knowing you are alone all the time. Some people, you know, they can distract themselves with ambitions and motivation to work, you know, but not me...

I am starting to realise how very right he is. Moving around from one place to another without settling at least gives you an excuse that you feel alienated  because you don't spend enough time anywhere. It's a good trick. At least you don't have to deal with harsh reality of eternal loneliness.

With Love,
Pie

Rainbow Girl

After spending too much time online looking at tumblr girls with groovy hair, I finally decided to follow the amazing dip-dye mermaid hair trend!

I wasn't really sure whether it would look good, considering the fact I do not possess long, beautiful, blonde hair, which is the most common hair style when it comes to dip-dyeing, but it actually turned out pretty damn cool. I love it! It is just the right amount of colour that gives my whole appearance an interesting twist. Even the dullest outfit suddenly seems pretty rad with this unexpected pop of colour on my head. My dad however, is not so enthusiastic about my new look. He said it looks like algae started growing on my hair. Maybe I truly am becoming a mermaid!

With Love,

Pie

EDIT: 12.10.2012, I re-dyed my hair!

Boys We Love: Ryan Gosling

I just watched Drive again. And if it weren't so late, I'd watch it again. I just love everything about the movie, and I don't even know whether it's critically acclaimed or said to be crap, but who cares?
The Driver is one of my favourite movie characters ever (next to Margot, Enid, Jim Stark and Sailor, to list a few). Everything he says (and it's really not much) is so dramatic and intense and misterious yet soft and quiet and polite. I think I didn't breathe during the elevator scene at all. I won't post a link because you absolutely have to see it in the context of the whole movie if you haven't already. I'm seriously considering buying a jacket with an embroidered golden scorpion on the back.

Drive is not the only reason I've been obsessing over Mr. Gosling. It's also his feminist sensibilities that are (probably) all made up, but he seems convincing enough to me.
I even liked him in Crazy, Stupid, Love. It was the kind of movie that makes me depressed after watching it, but, still, Ryan.

He also has a band, called Dead Man's Bones which reminds me a bit of Mumford&Sons, and in this video they're performing live on a cemetery.

He (supposedly) says he had no friends until he was 14 or 15, and was in a special-needs class because of an attention deficit disorder.

It's not even my thing to have celebrity crushes and I'm 19 so according to social conventions I should already be past this phase, I think. But no one is going to tell me what to do and I like Ryan Gosling. I just think he's not a douchebag (although I like douchebags as well so I'm not making a relevant point here).

Oh and I forgot to mention his performance with Justin Timberlake on Mickey Mouse Club in 1993. 

Need I say more?

 

Sincerely, Rapunzel

Lost & Found from Rapunzel&Pie on 8tracks Radio.

Lots of Love,
Rapunzel

Boys we love: Jens Moelle

Rapunzel & Pie are big suckers for rock stars. We realized that in Paris this summer. We went to a random gig where there was a band Clock n'Works playing and Rapunzel found herself droolling over the lead singer and I fell in love with the drummer and we decided we should make a list of our favourite boys. So, while waiting for one (preferably two) of them to marry us, we will introduce them all.

Jens Moelle. He is a (better) half of a German electro house duo Digitalism. I got familiar with their music via Kitsune maison compilations and loved it instantly. Their music is something you would hear on hard-core rave parties but they also have a softer, more melodic side which makes them perfect. 

In November, we went to see their concert in Wien. And there he was-Jence. Seeing him pressing buttons on synth and singing made my heart skip a beat! Also, he made the most cute gesture I've ever seen. He had his arms stretched aside while singing and then he kind of waved with his fingers. It was so adorable. I wanted to find a video of it but it's nonexistent :( . Instead, I found an interview with him in five parts, which kind of made my day.

Anyway, here he is. My one and only.

With all my love, Pie