It is a strange time of the year. Days are so short I cannot even
absorb them properly. It feels like I am watching a film. Things are
happening right in front of my eyes but I do not have the strength or
ability to change the plot. There is this great void in my heart waiting
to be filled with something indifferent, something which would make the
unexplainable sorrow and sadness a little bit easier. If only I knew
what I am looking for.
My mind is filled with questions
and thoughts about this past year, about all the decisions I made,
about all the words that were left unsaid, about all the people who came
upon my way and about all the things that never happened even though I
wished more than anything they would. I want to find a way out of my
mind but the ghosts from my past mercilessly haunt me.
I
used to be able to shut the outer world and melancholic thoughts about
the unbearable lightness of being out. I buried my self in work, chasing the goal of being the best at
something. I honestly thought this was the key to happiness and it
actually was for a while but the magic quickly faded and I was left with
nothing.Today, I have no idea what I am doing or where I am going. I am the wanderer who seeks yet never finds his rest.
Winter has not been kind to me, to us but there is still some light that never goes out and I choose to believe this is enough.
With love, Pie
