I'm currently trapped in a game called studying law. And it's weird. I love it and hate it at the same time. Last year, when I was still deciding on what to study a friend of mine said: "Law? Well I think you will find yourself there. It will broaden your horizons!" She was right. Almost everyday I discover, piece by piece, how the system works, we discuss different dilemmas regarding law and justice and I'm often quite amazed by complexity of law in general and how important is to understand that law isn't just different acts, articles, decrees but so much more. And how much responsibility you must accept as a judge, making decisions that will quite possibly change someone's life. You have to do your best and bear in mind that every case is unique. I could go on and on describing things that impressed me during lectures this year, which is very good. I feel like I found my niche. In a way.
There are also many things that trouble me. I'm not completely sure if this is what I truly want. Yes, it interests me a lot and I have little trouble with studying for hours. But. Oh there is always a but. I don't have a clear vision of what I want to do in my life. I don't know if I'm willing to work my ass off only to realize at 40 that I did nothing but study and work and that youth slipped away without me even noticing. Also, I don't quite fit into the image of a law student. Law students don't wear flower head-bands, tulle skirts, flatform shoes and pastel lipsticks.They don't do cool collages, they don't indie-dance their shoes off or spend the majority of their free time making how-to-escape-to-Berlin plans with their best friend. They simply do not. Therefore I feel lonely at uni and I don't know if this is ever going to change.
To sum up. Is being interested in what you study enough to ignore the fact that you don't actually like the social environment you are in? Who knows. I guess I will have to wait and see what happens.
With love, Pie.