The Swamp of Saddness

It's the time of the year when the sky, the cities and the people turn grey and the fog prevents you from seeing things clearly. It's the time of the year when everything I want to do is lay on my bed in comfy hipster-ski-sweaters, read books, listen to unpopular music, eat chocolate and have an understanding cat purring by my side.

I think solitude is great, because human contacts are a fleeting thing, no matter how pessimistic that sounds. I spend a lot of my time pondering interactions between people and I always come to a conclusion that no bond between two people is made without cracks, two people will always be two people, because we are not made as bubbles that can merge into one upon bumping into eachother. I also hate when someone asks me "what are you thinking about?". If I thought that explaining them my thoughts at that moment would have any effect at all, if I wanted the person I'm with to know what is going on in my head, I would obviously already have told them.

a caption from Unmade Beds

What I wanted to say is that being self-sufficient is one of the best things ever, because people break up, friends change, divorce, migration, death, awful. Wouldn't it be great if we weren't herd animals and every one of us could survive by themselves? I, for one, would have a lovely stone house, with a garden and cats and hens. It would be overlooking the ocean, so I could ponder about life while watching the infinite horizon and stuff. Or I would live in a bus on Alaska like Alex Supertramp. But given my surviving skills, I would probably starve to death in a month or so.

A lot like this painting by Jean-François Millet
The problem is that people aren't made to be alone. Living in isolation results in frustration or pathological conditions like being-a-crazy-cat-lady, for example. And even though I don't trust people and never take anyone's affection for granted, I figured that this uncertainty regarding relationships is something I have to live with, because being around people you like is comforting, and you can't deny that, no matter how big of a self-sufficiency fan you are.

I guess what I'm saying is that I like being around others, because I think that understanding others, their motives, fears and desires, can help you understand the human kind and therefore, yourself. I just don't want to venture into the outside world just yet. Right now, my bed and a book is all I need, but I guess tomorrow I will be compelled to face the horrors of socializing again.




  1. I agree! But it's so hard sometimes to open yourself op to other people or to even find the right ones.

  2. It is indeed difficult, because cool people don't grow on trees... but then again, all you need is two or three people you can talk to. And a cat in my case :)

  3. It's like there were two various types of existance. When you're alone, you exist only inside of your head with no tangible proof that you really are (a super-cool-lazy-grey-awesome-black-space cat, what humans in fact are) alive. It's the people that make you feel being made of flesh and bone, they make you feel being alive also on the outside, not only in your head, which sometimes can seem so very crazy and not made for this world (talking about your head) ((not yours, but from a random person)) (((well, maybe also yours, don't know actually))). They proove you that you are not mad, or maybe that you are, but that you are mad together. I think noone is capable of being alone for too long, noone can be quiet for too many days, noone can live in isolation. Everyone needs interaction, even the smallest of small-talks causes a big difference. At least you must have a mirror or something, or an imaginary friend, or a cat or some other super cool animal. Even Alex Supertramp wrote "Happiness only real when shared." in his diary when he was dying. (It's a Hollywood movie with a Hollywood ending, I know, but still...) Human-being needs to feel that he matters to the world, that there is some point. (or that there is none, but that we are in this together) But don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that solitude is bad, not at all. Sometimes you can feel more lonely when surrounded with people than when alone. You know the poem Solitude from G.N.G. Byron, right? You have to be alone, you have to turn on the inside and dive into your thoughts like some sort of a weird fish with big eyes and small nose and make sure that you are still you, eventhough everything is constantly changing. So my point is -> everything in moderation. Everyone need some alone-time, but if this alone-time becomes alone life-time things can get ugly. There has to be at least an amazing cat. (Would you go on a trip alone and with knowing that you will not make any new acquaintances and that you can make photos but never show them to anyone? The idea may seem romantic, but it's only the idea, right?)

    With love, J.

    1. Thank you, dear J, for explicating things so wonderfully and clearly. I can do nothing but agree with everything you said, no matter how boring that makes me. I like how you mentioned cats at several occasions (<3) and the comparison to a "weird fish with big eyes and small nose" suits perfectly.
      Be well,



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Best friends who are quite bored all the time and whose greatness and awesomeness is being ignored by society. Besides that, they love glittery makeup, things that shine in the dark or randomly fly in space, analogue photography, kitsune maison compilations, cats, dogs, and of course, alpacas. C'est ça.
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